My biggest parenting mistake yet...

...Not getting a shopping cart.

The cards were stacked against me I just didn't realize it until it was too late. Morning playgroup at the park was fine, the walk back to the car was a little unruly but she was walking with her pal, Avery, so they were a little distracted. It was 11:30 the plan was to run to the grocery store quickly to get a few last things for her birthday party tomorrow. I also needed 3 things from the dollar store next door--I even knew what they were, so I didn't get a cart. This often starts a screaming match and I was going to be fast. Lily had other plans. First she wouldn't stay with me, which wasn't out of the ordinary. Then when I tried to hold her hand or arm, she made her whole body go limp. Then she just laid out across the floor refusing to move--and laughing hysterically. I tried all my usual tricks, "Can you help mommy carry this?" "Can you help me find something with Elmo on it?" It worked for about 15 seconds and then she was off to hide down another aisle. She even got to pick out some raisins to buy. But it was all short-lived.

Then we got in line. The aisle was too wide and the cart in front of us didn't keep her corralled. I gave her her water cup. And she ran off, head tipped back drinking water, across the store. I caught her and picked her up, and she went limp like a rag doll, only worse, a squirmy, fidgety rag doll. So I had to get the items from my little hand basket onto the cashier's belt. Lily actually agreed to help with this and then ran away again. Everything was ready for the cashier, I even got my reusable bag out and ready. That didn't stop her from glaring at me. I got Lily back, handed my cash to the cashier and Lily ran off again. Got her back, cashier had bagged everything in plastic bags (4 items, 2 plastic bags, no wonder there's a plastic island the size of Texas in the Pacific). Got my change, re-bagged everything myself, all the while the cashier is glaring at me, like I'm ruining her day. Meanwhile, I have Lily squirming in one hand, the diaper bag slung over my bag, my open wallet, a handful of change, and our (reusable) bag of purchases and then Lily decided to throw her cup on the ground. I'm holding all of this stuff and Lily is making me more and more frustrated and I poked her. In the stomach. Not hard, but I still felt guilty. And she says, "Mommy poke Lily! Mommy poke Lily!" In a surprised sort of way.

So I lean over to pick up the cup and all the change from my wallet dumps all over the floor. Of course it does. This turned out to be a blessing because it distracted Lily for 10 seconds while she picked up all the coins (a current obsession). So I shoved wallets and change and cups in bags as quickly as possible. And then she was off again. By the time I was off after her I couldn't see where she went at all. So I announced I was leaving without her while I continued to look. Then I heard her by the door to the store saying "Mommy? Mommy? Mommy? Are you Mommy?" in a very worried voice. Finally got her, and everything else, and got out of the store. We still had to go to the grocery store. Can you guess our first stop? The carts.

35 weeks

35 weeks down only 35 days to go (or even fewer than that now). I caught a glance of myself in a mirror in a department store this weekend and I didn't recognize my belly. Looking down it doesn't look so big, but from the side I look pretty large. I'm starting to get comments from people about my size:

"Wow, that must be a big baby, if you still have another month."
to Lily: "Looks like you're going to have another baby around REALLY soon!"
And I've noticed women sympathetically (I hope) touching their stomachs as they walk past me. I guess I'm getting large.

I've gained 30 lbs so far. It's about average to gain 1 lb/week at this point which would put me right at 35 lbs, which is what I gained with Lily and what's the upper limit of the normal range the experts tell you is OK to gain. So I guess I'm OK with that. I wouldn't feel terrible if I gained a little over the 35 lb "limit". I've been going to my prenatal yoga class every Saturday pretty religiously lately. There was a stretch where I didn't go for a while because I was really congested and then a few classes ended up being canceled. I find yoga difficult if I can't breathe normally or it doesn't end up being enjoyable anyway. Although I can say it's getting pretty difficult overall at this point. The poses that are inverted at all (like downward facing dog or dolphin) are particularly uncomfortable because they get my heartburn going. I found myself ended those poses earlier just because I can feel the stomach acid start to rise--not pleasant. Other than that my exercise is limited to chasing Lily, which is a workout many days. I find that after her weekly gymnastics class I'm just as tired as she is and ready for a nap. Lifting 30+ lbs up on balance beams, up to bars, doing the hokey pokey and honestly just being on my feet for 45 minutes is pretty cardiovascular. Doing anything with an extra 30 lbs on my frame plus a 30 lb toddler is pretty tiring actually.

My body is definitely preparing for birth. I feel contractions frequently, probably hourly and sometimes more. If I'm out running errands to multiple places they start up. If I drive over a bump in the road=contraction. Last night I thought I might need to call the doctor because they actually started to get painful. I followed one of the midwife's recommendations and peed, drank a lot of water and laid down on my side and they went away pretty quickly. I had been sitting so I didn't think it would do much, but it seemed to work. I can also feel the aches and pains of my ligaments and bones loosening up to let this baby out. I guess I should be thankful, especially since the pains I'm feeling now aren't anything compared to actual labor, and this loosening should make the delivery easier. It is weird to feel actual pain in my pelvic bones though.

The baby is extremely active. Her head is down and ready to go so her legs are up in my ribs pushing around. She also gets the hiccups pretty frequently so I get simultaneous, rhythmic bumps in the top and bottom of my uterus for a couple minutes. I also feel elbows and knees sticking out frequently. I feel like she's very antsy and just can't get comfortable so she keeps adjusting and adjusting trying to get everything just right. You can see this all from the outside too. Lily is very concerned about what her little sister is doing. She likes to bring up everything she knows about a topic whenever it comes up, so when we talk about the baby she always says, "Baby kicks mommy's tummy. Owie. Baby born soon."

I realized recently that I haven't done a lot to prepare for the baby's arrival. I haven't bought a lot or gotten things organized much. We did purchase a new double-stroller that I'm pretty pleased with. It's one of the "sit and stand" varieties (although not that brand), where there's a little jump seat on the back where Lily will be able to hitch a ride sitting or standing when the car seat isn't installed. So the plan is that Lily will sit in the front seat when the baby is small and still in the infant car seat and when the baby is bigger it will sit in the front and Lily will have the back seat. It's a pretty cool design and it should work well for what we need it for. The side by side strollers are just too wide and the regular double strollers are super long; this is a good compromise for us.

Everything else is in progress. I have a list I'm working off of, which is a first step I guess. I've cleared space in Lily's dresser for some baby clothes and I'm pretty sure I know where all the baby items are in the basement. Now it's just a matter of getting things washed and put away and pulling out all those baby items to make sure there isn't anything we need to buy that I'm forgetting. There are a few minor things, like a baby monitor, that we never had for Lily but we saved all of her things so there's not much we need to get this time around. There's plenty of organizing to be done though. But at least the baby (and now Lily too) have a pediatrician all lined up (appointments and everything) and we're scheduled for a hospital tour so we know where to go and can get pre-registered.

I'm very much looking forward to my sister, Melody, and niece, Bella, arriving in less than a month now so I don't have to worry about going into labor without someone here to stay with Lily. Lily isn't allowed into the Labor and Delivery rooms so if we all have to go to the hospital, I'm on my own. Remembering back to Lily's birth, that wouldn't be a good thing. Thankfully we know people we could call if we were in a bind, but once my sister gets here everything will be much easier.

There are good parts, although as I approach the eventual birth, they seem less clear. I love being the only one that really knows this baby and that her and I share something that no one else can. That's the best part of pregnancy. I mostly enjoy feeling her move inside me and remind me that she's there waiting to meet us face to face. I often feel like she's tapping on my stomach just asking to come out. I love feeling like I'm shielding her from the outside world but I still often worry about her as I learn more about pregnancy and loss and know that nothing's certain at any stage of pregnancy. But I have these worries about Lily too, and Scott and myself, so that never really goes away. I am looking forward to this baby's birthday very much though. I'm definitely ready to meet her and find out who she is. I'm becoming less scared and nervous about the actual birth and even a little excited about it. I'm a little excited to labor again. It feels a little insane to even think that but I'm curious how it will be different or the same. I'm constantly amazed by women and how our bodies work and I am excited to experience that again--how (when given the chance--usually) everything just works. I hope that happens again this time and medications and interventions aren't necessary.

In front of "The Breakers", a Vanderbilt mansion, in Newport, RI at about 32 weeks.

Downtown Newport, RI with Daddy, Lily & Papa Jim.

"At-least-that's-not-a-maternity-fleece-I'm-busting-out of"--at the Cherry Blossom Festival in Wooster Square in New Haven

23 months!-

The wet shirt is practicing drinking from a regular cup, which usually goes better than this.

Wow, another month has gone by. Only one more month until she turns 2. I can hardly believe it.

She growing in leaps and bounds every day. She's talking up a storm, she's basically talking non-stop all the time. She has an opinion about everything and she likes to tell everyone about it. Some popular phrases:
Want it now!
Holded it!
Mine.
More candies.
No.
No way!
Lily run away.
Avery, Skylar. (Her buddies that she wants to play with all the time.)
Oh No! (With both hands on her head.)

She can count to 10, although sometimes gets caught up and repeats numbers. She's starting to go above 10 now. She can sing her ABCs but sometimes refuses and just wants to sing along for certain parts. She also just likes to sing and when she's driving alone with mommy she's often singing her favorite songs in the back seat on her own. She can recognize a lot of letters, probably close to 10. She knows all of her basic shapes like circle, triangle, and square and a few more complex ones like heart and star and she's learning more. There's an iPhone game that she loves that is teaching her all of these. She's working on her colors but goes back and forth between getting them right consistently and then getting them wrong again. She can identify hundreds of animals. Animals are definitely her thing right now. She's always on the lookout for animals and usually spots them before anyone else. She's especially fond of dogs and isn't afraid of them at all, despite how large they are. When we live in a more appropriate place we're definitely going to have to get a dog.

She wants everything when we're shopping now. If she wants something she'll either say she wants it, or that she wants to hold it. Or she'll just grab it and put it in the cart. Our grocery store has scanning guns so you can scan your purchases as you're going through the store. Lily HAS to be in charge of the gun. She knows what button to hold down. She likes to hold it as we're going through the store but we have to watch her or she'll hold down the button and look at the laser or try to scan other people/things in the store. Overall it keeps her occupied so we can make it through the store though.

She talks to both sets of her grandparents every Sunday on Skype (videoconferencing over the internet). It seems so high-tech now but I'm sure Lily will think it's silly when she's an adult. She looks forward to it all week. And asks for "skype" and "puter" (computer). I'm glad that even though her grandparents are 3,000 miles away she knows them well and really loves them a lot.

She loves TV and movies. She can't really sit through a whole TV show or movie unless it's first thing in the morning and she's cuddling in mommy and daddy's bed still sleepy. Her favorite shows are Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Sesame Street and she loves Finding Nemo. She likes a lot of other of the classic Disney movies too like Bambi and Toy Store, she loves animals and pretty much anything animated. She doesn't watch too much TV though. Usually even if she's "watching" a TV show she's getting up and playing during it and since the weather has recently turned warm so it's much easier to do things and we can be outside now.

Lily has started a gymnastics class that meets every Thursday morning. She really likes it. It's still a mommy & me class but it's much more involved then her previous class which she basically controlled. She's learning things like following instructions and waiting for her turn all of which I'm sure will help her in preschool when the time comes. We still haven't decided if she's going to go to preschool in the fall (very young at only 2 years and 4 months) on a very limited schedule (like 4-6 hours/week) or if we'll wait a whole year until she's 3 years and 4 months. She's definitely interested in being around other kids more frequently. She asks to play with her friends every day so it would just be a matter of finding one that takes kids her age and that we like. We'll see.

She's also started doing "chores" around the house. She has a chart with her chores listed and a drawing of each task next to it. She has to do each job twice a day and she gets a sticker on her chart. At this point the sticker and encouragement is enough of a reward--she absolutely thrilled to get the stickers and is very proud of her chart. Her chores are mainly things that she does already, like brush her teeth, get dressed, etc. so they aren't real chores. But she was asking to earn more stickers so we recently added "pick up toys", where we're trying to get her to pick up 5 toys, this is harder though because she likes her toys too much to put them away and gets distracted. We're trying though.

She has recently started to become more brave around strangers and likes to say hello to people (and will keep saying hello until they hear her and say it back). Some people still make her nervous, especially if they are overbearing or a little strange; it's funny how at almost 2 she can already pick up on social cues and knows when people are acting a little differently.

She's a very good girl most of the time. The parents of other kids close to her in age are always remarking on how well-behaved she is. She's very good at sharing toys and unless something is particularly precious to her she'll share it with another kid (or not scream if it get's taken). Of course I don't want her to be a pushover either so we don't make her just give all her toys away. She also doesn't often throw tantrums or fits about things and we think she's aware that whining/throwing fits means we're leaving and the fun is over. Our only problems happen when she hasn't gotten enough sleep, so the issue is usually pretty quickly resolved. She also likes to be chased so she often runs away from us, usually laughing and then saying "Lily run away!" She'll come back if she's not chased but she often does this places where she just can't be left to run until she decides to come back (like through grocery store aisles where I lose sight of her).

She is so excited about her little sister. She talks about her a lot. She likes to rub mommy's tummy and say hello and give her kisses. She talks about coming soon and how she's going to share her toys and read to her. And she's very concerned about her kicking mommy and giving owies. She's very protective of mommy and doesn't like when something is hurting her at all. She fond of pushing her (and daddy) in the rocking chair and giving back rubs (which is very sweet). She is very fixated on baby sister being "born soon" and talks about it all the time.

Her bauby and papa came to visit just as she was turning 23 months and she absolutely loved it. They arrived very late (after she should have been sleeping for a couple hours but was still laying in bed silent). So she got up and was a little overwhelmed and confused for a few minutes. She warmed up very fast and was so excited to see them. She already knows that when mommy or daddy says she has to do something she doesn't like she just needs to say "Bauby help me!" to try and get her way. Now as soon as she wakes up every morning she has to make sure they are still here and is SO excited to see them. I know it will be hard for her when they leave, but they'll be back soon when #2 arrives. And she's already talking about her cousin Bella coming to visit in a month and a half and sharing her toys. So she has something to look forward to very soon.

Potty training has sort of started. She's had a potty for several months and she has sat on it many times but nothing has ever come of it. She recently got some big girl panties with the Disney princesses on them. One morning she said she wanted to wear them so we gave it a try. She wore them all morning without accidents and she sat on the potty several times without any success. Then right before nap time she peed on the potty! We were very excited for her but so far that's been the end of it. We tried again after nap time and had an accident so we haven't really pushed it since. We'll go at her pace, we're not too worried about it yet since she isn't even 2.

Lily LOVES the park. Especially if her buddies are there.

She'll tolerate the teeter totter with mommy though.

She loves jumping in puddles & loves her froggy boots (they are green with frog faces). This is at the St. Patrick's Day parade in New Haven.

A favorite activity--poking things with sticks.